Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – Sh, keep it to yourself!

Ain’t that the truth? Perhaps only dead men should be seeing this movie so they won’t tell anyone about it. None of the original players are involved from the score (film’s music) to the casting directors, 90% of the people holding this treasure of a film have folded. And the one-liners are real stinkers for the most part. Even the seasoned actors can’t arouse a giggle on some of them. That’s saying something, or is it?

The original crew is all but gone except for Jack Sparrow and his first mate, Gibbs. Sure, there are small appearances by Elizabeth Swann and William Turner, but the story’s plot is thin, predictable, and unless you see it in 3-D for the “Aw!” feeling, it could be a waste of over two hours of your valuable and irretrievable time. If it’s the sword fighting you’re interested in, watch the videos you already own.

The special fx aren’t too bad, but there are a few places throughout the film where they aren’t lined up correctly and it sort of jumps a bit. For example, the tower has a flame burning in it while the camera rotates around the opening. If you watch the turning flame, you’ll see. And there are little things throughout. The filmmakers appear to be skimping on the production. If you are brave enough to see it, please leave a comment displaying what you liked about it. But again, see it in 3-D. The vision of the antagonists’ hair which appears to be floating in water and waving throughout the production is pretty cool.

Then again, if you’re a teen and wanting a film to make-out to, this may be the “blockbuster” you’ve been waiting for. The main characters making their debut were Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, the offspring of Elizabeth and Will Turner, and Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth. Honestly, it’s unimaginable where they managed to get these two actors unless they have relatives in show business. Brenton was a bit stale, but he’ll come around to be a hit eventually. Kaya’s acting was nothing short of a kid reading a comic book. so she’s probably lucky she has the breasts to draw the audience’s attention.

I have to say I was a bit disappointed because I thought they would reveal the way Will Turner managed to get the gold coin around his neck from his father, as displayed in the first movie. Many times when there are several movies tied together, they’ll loop around and attach. Sadly, this series had none of that. They did, however, cast an interesting group for some of the scenes hoping to arouse curiosity if nothing else. They even managed to book Paul McCartney as a last-ditch savior. Let’s hope they can leave the blockbuster movies where they are without creating any more stink for them, eh?

On a rating of 10 possible stars, this film produces only a mediocre 5, which is extremely disappointing for any Jerry Bruckheimer movie.

Cast

 

Alien: Covenant in D-Box Mode!

Screen Shot 2017-05-19 at 7.17.15 PMCan we ever get enough Alien? The answer is a resounding “NO!” with all the technologies coming about such as D-Box. I have to admit, paying twice as much for a theater ticket was a bit of a letdown, but I figured it was worth a shot. The question remains, “Was it worth it?”

The typical Alien movies follow a specific formula of those venturing into the unknown and locating exactly that. This sequel is no different. I can’t give away the ending except to say it was predictable for anyone with any type of film attending experience.

The added shock of the D-Box perked up the effects a bit though. At first, shifting from side to side was a bit blasé, but during the startling portions, the movie became more of a carnival ride. The surprising jerking motion will be exceptional during horror shows. Was it worth the extra $? I agree with Jon. The awesomely cool part is that the seat literally adjusts to the weight of the person seated. How do I know this is true? I started off sitting between my son and his friend until Cameron decided he wanted to reach the popcorn himself, rather than suffer through having momma bird feed him by the handfuls. Jarom was the official popcorn holder. However, when we switched seats, I felt my seat lower to the added weight. Yes, I’m about 60 lbs. heavier than my son. I had to readjust the high-impact setting because everything reset. Then I was off vibrating and jerking back and forth as usual. And don’t think you can get into the theater with normal seats and switch out — it doesn’t work.

However, when we switched seats, I felt my seat lower to the added weight. Yes, I’m about 60 lbs. heavier than my son. I had to readjust the high-impact setting because everything reset. Then I was off vibrating and jerking back and forth as usual. And don’t think you can get into the theater with normal seats assigned and switch out — it doesn’t work. One of the aspects a bit unnerving is that the point-of-view of the chair shifting switched from one character or scene to another. At one point in the movie, the scenes were flipping from the starship to the ground and back again — one rumbling and the other still. My innards eventually became confused with where I was going and made me a tiny bit nauseous.

As far as the film goes, there is one portion where there was an uncomfortable hush that fell over the crowd until one person burst into laughter followed by the entire theater. Only those with perverted minds will pick up on the alternate humor. Since I was with my teen son, I did my best not to participate. Unfortunately, he picked up on it regardless. I suppose that’s why it’s rated R. And there are a couple of pretty big names for a second including James Franco and Guy Pearce who followed suit.

Katherine Waterston and Michael Fassbender, along with Billy Crudup and Danny McBride had some awesome chemistry. Not as good as a couple of others who didn’t start off in a relationship though… nudge, nudge. Then again, Michael didn’t really have that option in this film.

There were a couple of flaws in the storyline such as where David managed to create the bottles for his experiments on this new planet. And other issues I can’t reveal without giving the context of the film away, but they’re quite obvious for those who think for themselves. Just take it with a grain of salt and be entertained.

My rating on this Ridley Scott wonder would be a 7-star score without the additional $8 for the seat upgrade, which puts it at a 7.5. Make sure to set your seat at the high vibration rate unless you get motion sickness. After a 2-hour movie, that could be a bit much for the sensitive stomach. Otherwise, it’s totally worth the extra perk!

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Who Looks into a Black Mirror?

 

When I was a kid, and even through adulthood, I wasn’t really a fan of films depicting the bad guy chasing people around and killing them. To me, those were all the same movie with different background settings with minor adjustments of tools. What I loved were movies that made me think, “Could that really happen?” After all, if it could, what were the chances of it happening to me? For that, I was a huge fan of The Twilight Zone and The Outer Limits. Sci-fi is for the mentally streaming folks, I guess.

Later on, although the concepts were still there, the effects of the old monochrome stories lost some of their pizzazz. Have no fear; Netflix is here to remedy that small discrepancy with a Britsh show entitled Black Mirror. The title alone makes a person consider what maniacal thinking is behind it.

Though the subject matter is more open and modernized with shows containing lesbians and young boys “entertaining themselves,” there are not graphic visuals. And the main focus isn’t sex, but if we’re going to talk modern, let’s face it, there’s going to be some mention of it. But the point of what you don’t know is made clearly. And just as at the end of the aforementioned movies where the viewer would lift his brows at the end and say, “Ah, I get it!” This show does that as well.

If you are someone who enjoys messing with your own brain with little mind games to keep you sharp, get that mental exercise! Here’s one of my favorites’ synopsis: “An American traveler short on cash signs up to test a revolutionary new gaming system, but soon can’t tell where the hoot game ends and reality begins.” It could happen!

Playtest

Aw, this little gopher is so adorable — what could possibly go wrong?

Written by Charles Brooker, a 46-year-old English satirist who definitely knows what he’s doing by sharing his twisted visions!

On a scale of 1 – 10 stars, this one gets an 8.

TH1RTEEN R3ASONS WHY

 

Having read the book for my own school studies in college, I only read it because of it being an assignment. I didn’t feel like wrapping myself up in an unstable way of thinking would benefit me. Everyone has pain, this is true. And the physical and mental changes of puberty certainly impact them tremendously, but is this work fanning the fire? By getting in the hands of the right student, certainly, the way any medication has the ability to do. But I have two kids, a 15-year-old boy and a 10-year-old girl. Do I think it’s acceptable for them to watch? Read on, because suicides are among us at all ages.

Now Netflix has created a one-season drama surrounding the novel and the results are like a hot iron across the face of America. Some are standing in protest, some embrace the openness of the subject, and others consider the work acceptance of their own suicidal behavior – actually prompting kids to consider the option.

What’s the difference between reading a book and seeing a movie? First, the content. The book is written from Hannah’s perspective, never allowing us to understand the other characters’ opinions or their experiences into why their minds perceive things in a specific way. The book doesn’t allow the clear insight for us to understand the other characters as emotional people – just “the others” who are to blame. But the book is also a lot less graphic in the sexual scenes, teen drinking, vicious behavior, and blood.

The movie, on the other hand, allows us into a close and personal view of why the other characters are doing what they do – the abuse they’re surviving, the secrets of their own lives they’re hiding, etc. Nobody’s perfect – truly, but that doesn’t mean people stop striving for the perfectionism their parents, teachers, siblings, and romantic interests anticipate. People expect a lot. And the more they get, the more they need. This is why perfectionism is never quite met.

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In our society, special fx disguise the reality of film, literature has a faster pace, even discussions at school at more exposed than what was acceptable years ago. Advertising suffocates us on the freeways, in magazines, on television and movie screens. Blemish-free and thin heroes adorn the scenery beckoning others to “get fit” and eat this way or that. “Copy me!” they seem to shout. And here they are again.

At the beginning of the article, I presented the question as to whether or not this material should be shared with our youth. This depends on the parents and the relationship with their children. My two kids? Yep, they saw it. However, eyes were shielded as Hannah held the razor to her wrist and a few other choice scenes where descriptions suffice. They didn’t need to see the act to understand what was happening – after all, the entire show centered around suicide. But, I would stop the show every once in a while and we would discuss some of the alternatives Hannah could have made at that point. For example, going to parties in high school where parents aren’t visible but underaged drinking is? A clear invitation to disaster.

Some of the scenes were clearly fictitious, such as a whiskey flask at a school dance being openly passed between students – doesn’t happen. And half the student body appears tattooed when you are to be 18 before a parlor legally sees you without parental consent. Other things were easily imagined, such as the graffiti on the bathroom walls at the school, and photos being taken and shared among peers. I’ve seen some of these things myself and often wondered what words the students must hear throughout the day before witnessing it permanently on a wall or on a screen. And how much of the crap is hearsay or completely made up by some girl who wasn’t chosen as a prom date, or a guy who was one-upped by another? It happens.

If you plan on having your child watch this show, please be responsible enough to watch it and discuss what is happening. If you decide not to watch it, make sure your child has made the same decision. If not, chances are they’ll watch it without you.

By the way, producer Selena Gomez states we should all be prepared for the next season. I suppose it stirred up enough controversy, producers have decided to wring it out for what it’s worth! Seems like they took a pseudo positive spin and took off while it’s hot. While some argue the sex, violence, drinking and tattoos boasts a “reality check” for kids, others may disagree. Then again, we may need to stop and ask where our focus is.

 Core Cast
Dylan Minnette Dylan Minnette
 Clay Jensen (13 episodes, 2017)
Katherine Langford Katherine Langford
 Hannah Baker (13 episodes, 2017)
Christian Navarro Christian Navarro
 Tony Padilla (13 episodes, 2017)
Alisha Boe Alisha Boe
 Jessica Davis (13 episodes, 2017)
Brandon Flynn Brandon Flynn
 Justin Foley (13 episodes, 2017)
Justin Prentice Justin Prentice
 Bryce Walker (13 episodes, 2017)
Miles Heizer Miles Heizer
 Alex Standall (13 episodes, 2017)
Ross Butler Ross Butler
 Zach Dempsey (13 episodes, 2017)
Devin Druid Devin Druid
 Tyler Down (13 episodes, 2017)
Amy Hargreaves Amy Hargreaves
 Lainie Jensen (13 episodes, 2017)
Derek Luke Derek Luke
 Kevin Porter (13 episodes, 2017)
Kate Walsh Kate Walsh
 Olivia Baker (13 episodes, 2017)

 

 

 

 

Going in Style is a Stylish Riot

When Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine, and Alan Arkin team up for a comedy, hold onto your britches, because you’re going to need a grownup diaper by the time this is over!

As a little kid, I always thought grownups were proper and their sense of humor fades, but that isn’t right at all. When Zach Braff took on this film, he knew the casting director did the job right. There is no better choice for a cast for a film of this magnitude.

A trio of men who had been friends forever grow sick and tired of taking it up the rear by the big companies who sucked the life out of them in the first place – from the company they worked at forever to the banks. They must decide to take it lying down or climb up on the mechanical bull for one final ride, and you know what they choose. It’s that ride that lets you know not to let your guard down with grandma and grandpa – you never know what they’ll do next. Rob a bank? Perhaps.

Until you see the movie, catch a glimpse of what makes it so damned funny.

 

In my book of 10 stars — this film gets a fairly secure 8.

Guardians of the Galaxy 2 Conquers More

When Guardians of the Galaxy 2 came out, the ticket booths were ready and the fans couldn’t wait for the twisted and comical behavior of this cast of characters. The theaters were packed, and the laughter was contagious right through to the end of the credits.

Star-Lord, or as his friends call him Peter Quill, conquered the battles of the past. He has no idea the biggest and baddest battle of them all is just over the horizon–his testosterone-driven father, Ego. While Ego is pleased with Peter and his undiscovered attributes, he hasn’t finished showing him all the glories that come from his genes. (Not jeans.) And as the story comes around full-circle, many other mysteries come to light. Will Peter ever declare his love for Gamora, or will her sister rue the day? Will Drax fall for someone even more simple-minded than himself, or is finding someone that dense possible? Will Rocket lose his patience with Baby Groot and turn those baby blues gray?

The best news is that no matter who dies, falls in love, or goes head to head against the dreaded Taserface, this isn’t the last story. Oh no! But not all of the characters will continue. So if you’re into this roll-in-your-seat laughter and you liked the last Guardians of the Galaxy, you don’t want to miss this one.

Directed by: James Gunn

Written by: James Gunn, and Marvel writers, Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning

Core actors:

Chris Pratt Peter Quill / Star-Lord
Zoe Saldana Gamora
Dave Bautista Drax
Vin Diesel Baby Groot (voice)
Bradley Cooper Rocket (voice)
Michael Rooker Yondu
Karen Gillan Nebula
Pom Klementieff Mantis
Sylvester Stallone Stakar Ogord
Kurt Russell Ego
Elizabeth Debicki Ayesha
Chris Sullivan Taserface

On our scale, this film rates a solid 9