Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – Sh, keep it to yourself!

Ain’t that the truth? Perhaps only dead men should be seeing this movie so they won’t tell anyone about it. None of the original players are involved from the score (film’s music) to the casting directors, 90% of the people holding this treasure of a film have folded. And the one-liners are real stinkers for the most part. Even the seasoned actors can’t arouse a giggle on some of them. That’s saying something, or is it?

The original crew is all but gone except for Jack Sparrow and his first mate, Gibbs. Sure, there are small appearances by Elizabeth Swann and William Turner, but the story’s plot is thin, predictable, and unless you see it in 3-D for the “Aw!” feeling, it could be a waste of over two hours of your valuable and irretrievable time. If it’s the sword fighting you’re interested in, watch the videos you already own.

The special fx aren’t too bad, but there are a few places throughout the film where they aren’t lined up correctly and it sort of jumps a bit. For example, the tower has a flame burning in it while the camera rotates around the opening. If you watch the turning flame, you’ll see. And there are little things throughout. The filmmakers appear to be skimping on the production. If you are brave enough to see it, please leave a comment displaying what you liked about it. But again, see it in 3-D. The vision of the antagonists’ hair which appears to be floating in water and waving throughout the production is pretty cool.

Then again, if you’re a teen and wanting a film to make-out to, this may be the “blockbuster” you’ve been waiting for. The main characters making their debut were Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, the offspring of Elizabeth and Will Turner, and Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth. Honestly, it’s unimaginable where they managed to get these two actors unless they have relatives in show business. Brenton was a bit stale, but he’ll come around to be a hit eventually. Kaya’s acting was nothing short of a kid reading a comic book. so she’s probably lucky she has the breasts to draw the audience’s attention.

I have to say I was a bit disappointed because I thought they would reveal the way Will Turner managed to get the gold coin around his neck from his father, as displayed in the first movie. Many times when there are several movies tied together, they’ll loop around and attach. Sadly, this series had none of that. They did, however, cast an interesting group for some of the scenes hoping to arouse curiosity if nothing else. They even managed to book Paul McCartney as a last-ditch savior. Let’s hope they can leave the blockbuster movies where they are without creating any more stink for them, eh?

On a rating of 10 possible stars, this film produces only a mediocre 5, which is extremely disappointing for any Jerry Bruckheimer movie.

Cast