Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales – Sh, keep it to yourself!

Ain’t that the truth? Perhaps only dead men should be seeing this movie so they won’t tell anyone about it. None of the original players are involved from the score (film’s music) to the casting directors, 90% of the people holding this treasure of a film have folded. And the one-liners are real stinkers for the most part. Even the seasoned actors can’t arouse a giggle on some of them. That’s saying something, or is it?

The original crew is all but gone except for Jack Sparrow and his first mate, Gibbs. Sure, there are small appearances by Elizabeth Swann and William Turner, but the story’s plot is thin, predictable, and unless you see it in 3-D for the “Aw!” feeling, it could be a waste of over two hours of your valuable and irretrievable time. If it’s the sword fighting you’re interested in, watch the videos you already own.

The special fx aren’t too bad, but there are a few places throughout the film where they aren’t lined up correctly and it sort of jumps a bit. For example, the tower has a flame burning in it while the camera rotates around the opening. If you watch the turning flame, you’ll see. And there are little things throughout. The filmmakers appear to be skimping on the production. If you are brave enough to see it, please leave a comment displaying what you liked about it. But again, see it in 3-D. The vision of the antagonists’ hair which appears to be floating in water and waving throughout the production is pretty cool.

Then again, if you’re a teen and wanting a film to make-out to, this may be the “blockbuster” you’ve been waiting for. The main characters making their debut were Brenton Thwaites as Henry Turner, the offspring of Elizabeth and Will Turner, and Kaya Scodelario as Carina Smyth. Honestly, it’s unimaginable where they managed to get these two actors unless they have relatives in show business. Brenton was a bit stale, but he’ll come around to be a hit eventually. Kaya’s acting was nothing short of a kid reading a comic book. so she’s probably lucky she has the breasts to draw the audience’s attention.

I have to say I was a bit disappointed because I thought they would reveal the way Will Turner managed to get the gold coin around his neck from his father, as displayed in the first movie. Many times when there are several movies tied together, they’ll loop around and attach. Sadly, this series had none of that. They did, however, cast an interesting group for some of the scenes hoping to arouse curiosity if nothing else. They even managed to book Paul McCartney as a last-ditch savior. Let’s hope they can leave the blockbuster movies where they are without creating any more stink for them, eh?

On a rating of 10 possible stars, this film produces only a mediocre 5, which is extremely disappointing for any Jerry Bruckheimer movie.




Alien: Covenant in D-Box Mode!

Screen Shot 2017-05-19 at 7.17.15 PMCan we ever get enough Alien? The answer is a resounding “NO!” with all the technologies coming about such as D-Box. I have to admit, paying twice as much for a theater ticket was a bit of a letdown, but I figured it was worth a shot. The question remains, “Was it worth it?”

The typical Alien movies follow a specific formula of those venturing into the unknown and locating exactly that. This sequel is no different. I can’t give away the ending except to say it was predictable for anyone with any type of film attending experience.

The added shock of the D-Box perked up the effects a bit though. At first, shifting from side to side was a bit blasé, but during the startling portions, the movie became more of a carnival ride. The surprising jerking motion will be exceptional during horror shows. Was it worth the extra $? I agree with Jon. The awesomely cool part is that the seat literally adjusts to the weight of the person seated. How do I know this is true? I started off sitting between my son and his friend until Cameron decided he wanted to reach the popcorn himself, rather than suffer through having momma bird feed him by the handfuls. Jarom was the official popcorn holder. However, when we switched seats, I felt my seat lower to the added weight. Yes, I’m about 60 lbs. heavier than my son. I had to readjust the high-impact setting because everything reset. Then I was off vibrating and jerking back and forth as usual. And don’t think you can get into the theater with normal seats and switch out — it doesn’t work.

However, when we switched seats, I felt my seat lower to the added weight. Yes, I’m about 60 lbs. heavier than my son. I had to readjust the high-impact setting because everything reset. Then I was off vibrating and jerking back and forth as usual. And don’t think you can get into the theater with normal seats assigned and switch out — it doesn’t work. One of the aspects a bit unnerving is that the point-of-view of the chair shifting switched from one character or scene to another. At one point in the movie, the scenes were flipping from the starship to the ground and back again — one rumbling and the other still. My innards eventually became confused with where I was going and made me a tiny bit nauseous.

As far as the film goes, there is one portion where there was an uncomfortable hush that fell over the crowd until one person burst into laughter followed by the entire theater. Only those with perverted minds will pick up on the alternate humor. Since I was with my teen son, I did my best not to participate. Unfortunately, he picked up on it regardless. I suppose that’s why it’s rated R. And there are a couple of pretty big names for a second including James Franco and Guy Pearce who followed suit.

Katherine Waterston and Michael Fassbender, along with Billy Crudup and Danny McBride had some awesome chemistry. Not as good as a couple of others who didn’t start off in a relationship though… nudge, nudge. Then again, Michael didn’t really have that option in this film.

There were a couple of flaws in the storyline such as where David managed to create the bottles for his experiments on this new planet. And other issues I can’t reveal without giving the context of the film away, but they’re quite obvious for those who think for themselves. Just take it with a grain of salt and be entertained.

My rating on this Ridley Scott wonder would be a 7-star score without the additional $8 for the seat upgrade, which puts it at a 7.5. Make sure to set your seat at the high vibration rate unless you get motion sickness. After a 2-hour movie, that could be a bit much for the sensitive stomach. Otherwise, it’s totally worth the extra perk!

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